breast cancer poems | Cindi Silva Poetry

December 5, 2012
by Cindi Silva Poetry 1 Comment

best cancer poetry|

For Cancer Poetry IV …

The Genetics Trumps All Card

when doctors, specialists
review your case and keep telling you
hmmm that’s interesting

what do you do?

when oncologists
laugh and say it’s never good
when a doctor tells you
hmmm that’s interesting

what do you do?

when you keep getting
sent to more genetic testing
and even more genetic counselors
to find the answers to
hmmm that’s interesting

what do you do?

when you like to play cards
and you keep hearing the words
genetics trumps all

what do you do?

I can’t tell you what you should do
but I can tell my plan
get more sleep if you’re sleep deprived
boost your immune system
alkaline as much as possible
juice those raw fruits and vegetables
go for 3 hours of brisk walks a week
more if you’d like to but they don’t improve survival
the past is the past let it go
keep doing the post surgery exercises no matter
how much pain your still in

laugh as much as you can
whenever things don’t go your way laugh harder still
really listen when someone talks to you about
whatever it is that’s important to them
and to the trivial stuff as well

spend time enjoying as much of each day
as possible; no matter how many hmmm
that’s interesting you hear
factor into the genetic studies a
person that practices joy; and if you
like to play cards and win; even if
they find the genetics card
don’t dwell on it

make each day count
look for the beauty it real does surround you
help people whenever you can
no matter how hard someone else
tries to make your day shake it off;
be creative and surround yourself with
people you love; let the ones that drag you down
find someone else to drain

Differentiate between problems that you
can solve; and circumstances beyond
your control; when someone you know
intentionally tries to hurt you like a vindictive ex
tries to leaves you in poverty; don’t walk away from
your share; still fight through a set of attorneys
until you get what you need; if you don’t have the
money to pay the rent keep looking for help and keep the
lines of communication open; learn how to survive
in povertry and turn what you’ve learned
into helping others; keep laughing; keep living

even if genetic trumps all is in your cards
new research happen all the time
new discoveries are made all the time
so just don’t dwell on the negative
what you have no control over
Keep creating Joy and looking for the beauty
in each moment as it unfolds
no need to dwell on anything really
as life is impermanent; keep living; just do it

these three things are most important to remember
1) Joy; create it; and spread it around
2) Never give up; and
3) As long as you’re breathing that’s all that really
matters

Note to the reader: Can this be done easily. Seldom the most important things in life can be done easily. But for me I’m making it my practice whether or not I have the genetic card; I have the family history card … always in my hand … not dwelling on that one either. It’s like playing Old Maid only I don’t want to give itaway. Just enjoy the laughter and keep playing.

Cindi Silva
12/5/12

October 3, 2012
by Cindi Silva Poetry Leave a comment

Cancer| Poetry| II|

Normal

I’ve always subscribed to

Normal is what’s normal to you

I find that comes in very handy

When dealing with things that

Are very uncomfortable and

take some time to adjust to

I’d like to now add

Although normal is what’s normal to you

It can change in a heartbeat

I’ve learned to not just be prepared

be flexible too

October 3, 2012
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Cancer Poetry| II|

Who needs ‘em anyway; do you?

Did you know that reconstruction

Is now a federal law

And by that I mean insurance companies

Are required by law to cover reconstruction

After a woman has had a mastectomy

Did you know that even if you are having

A reconstruction after a bilateral mastectomy

Most insurance companies will send you home

After two nights

Even if you’ve had a previous cancer

With radiation that increases risk

More scarring;

Difficulty healing;

Poor blood supply;

possibility of collapsed lung

no worries, I’m told you’ll know because

you’ll have a fever associated with pneumonia

that goes along with it

or other infection

Even when they know you are going to be home alone during the day

And there isn’t another adult to help you out

You will be heavily medicated and have difficulty moving

After having a major surgery; even more major with the reconstruction

Who needs ‘em anyway; do you?

While we’re on the subject of insurance companies

Did you know that an insurance company

Can on a whim decide to stop covering pharmaceuticals

That are proven to work for you; and are a medical necessity

In your health and wellbeing; because they don’t get a good deal on them

Requiring you to pay through the nose for the prescription

If you have money to do so;

Go without if you don’t have money;

Or I suppose there’s a third option if you have some money

Either decide whether you should eat or take your medicine

This is happening a lot and always has

(Dear Reader, these two examples are just small examples of why I say

Occupy Insurance, Now!)

Who needs ‘em anyway; do you?

Unilateral mastectomy is a major surgery;

Then does that make a bilateral mastectomy – what rank is above a major?

Gotta google that one; but for now; I match your major and raise you a major –

And on top of that reconstruction; I can see I need some more googling here;

Anytime you add an implant you are increasing risk of an infection

And complications

Especially if you’ve already had a previous cancer and radiation

Not enough blood supply; difficulty healing right; to name a few

Being over 42 makes healing more difficult

And many mastectomies are done over age 42

Poetry isn’t always pretty; sometimes it’s pretty grim

You okay, Dear Reader?

Decisions are placed before you; an overwhelming amount;

One step at a time; baby steps; right!

Boobies; titties; tatas; breasts

Brings us back to the original question;

Who Needs ‘em Anyway; do you?

Cindi Silva

October 2, 2012

July 28, 2012
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waiting is the hardest part| II|

Watching
The time unfold
relaxing, napping
Reading, talking
Doctor’s orders to
Listen to my body
And give myself
permission to do
Nothing but just be
Although it feels awkward
I’m up for the challenge

July 28, 2012
by Cindi Silva Poetry Leave a comment

biopsy|

This time it’s different
how many times have
I done this
More times than I can
Count
Only once before
The results came back
Unfavorable
Star light
Star bright
I wish I may
I wish I might
Have this wish
I wish tonight …

July 28, 2012
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the biopsy|

The doctor that did the procedure
I had previously met
I didn’t care for him
Either time
too old school
In his approach with me
talks as though he knows everything
Like jesus was his son
Like he was standing on an
Untouchable pedestal
Yet acts more like the wizard of oz
Afraid to be found out
Of his lack of expertise
The medical assistant more than made up for his missing bedside manner
I wonder why they no longer employ nurses in this capacity
She was young, smart
beautiful and
her heart was very large
She loved hearing about the book I brought with me
The warmth of the suns
She wrote down the title and
Author
I told her it was a gift from
A friend
That his mom was part
Of the great migration
And he was sending me a letter to tell me more
She told me her major was minority women breast cancer although her family
Lacked a history of cancer
I brought a part of her home with me yesterday
I thought I need to
Make those youtube videos
For my poet and writer book review group
I need to make the time
And share the superb work
Of authors’ I know that
Aren’t afraid to use their strong voices
Help them get out there
Always life seems to get
In the way while you’re making other plans
I hope it doesn’t this time
I hope I’m okay
Right now I’m very tired
It was a lot go through

July 28, 2012
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waiting for pathology|

Waiting For The Pathology|
I Remind Myself
No matter what the results
even if in the worst case
it comes back positive
There will always be so much
more right with me than wrong with me
My life will always be filled with passion
spirit, laughter, and love
My joy will not be squelched
My curiosity and zest for living
will remain
I have more strength than I will ever realize

July 28, 2012
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a reminder|

A Reminder

Breathe n Smile
Enjoy the music
Forget the sorrow

Breathe n smile
Enjoy the beauty
forget the rest

Breathe n Smile
It’s gonna be okay
as long as you’re breathing
that’s all that really matters

take my advice
no matter what is going on
there’s always more right
with you than wrong with you

July 5, 2012
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there was an old woman| modern day| nursery rhymes|

There Was A Not Yet Old Woman Who Lived In A Nightmare

There was a not yet old woman

who lived in a nightmare

she had so many growing problems

she didn’t know what to do

maybe this could be called

Full Catastrophe Living

In Modern Times

she had two children to raise

and a divorce settlement

too contentious to contend with

on her own

which had been going on for

nearly four long years

there was debt incurred during that

marriage and after separation

that she could no longer manage

there was a car she was forced to buy

after the separation because

she needed a car to make it

easier to get things done

and after paying the current payment

but not the previous 2 payments

her car was repossessed

and all that was in it

to her surprise one morning

when she went looking for it

in front of her tiny apartment

(that felt like it was the size of a shoe

and the inspiration for this poem)

on her way to dropping her son off

to baseball camp

and her daughter running late

for a doctor’s appointment

which she was forced to reschedule

this caused her amagdalia center

to overload and a terrific headache

soon ensued

as she started walking back home

after the 30 minute walk to her son’s day camp

she wanted to rest and shower

and be fresh

before looking for work that afternoon

so she could reclaim her car

and reclaim her life

and not ever again see the look of horror

despair, and ensuing tears

on her children’s faces

as they came to grips

with the secret she could no longer

keep from them

that their whole world had been rocked even more

there was a not yet old woman

who was used of living

a life of ease

with a beautiful home

and a good job

and a nice car

and a marriage that sadly had to be ended

which spiraled her to poverty

into a world where she didn’t know how

to play by the rules or what the rules even were

or worse yet how to pay the bills

and come out ahead

she had difficulty processing

so much change in such a little

amount of time

and there was a suspicious mass

on her breast that she knew she needed to take care of

and she knew quickly figuring out all the

accumulating problems

was of paramount importance

and she felt she was running out of time

and her amagdalia center wasn’t very happy

right about now

there was a not yet old woman

who didn’t know how to tap

into the money from the proceeds

of the sale of her house which

were being held hostage-like

in trust by each side’s attorney

since she couldn’t stay in the marriage

because he was too controlling

and she was too afraid to stay

and she now was wondering

if the new trade-offs for independence

and safety were worth

the sacrifices she had already made

she couldn’t decide which was worse

staying in a dangerous marriage

or going through a catastrophic divorce

during a depression

there was an old woman

who lived in a nightmare

she had so many problems

she didn’t know what to do

July 5, 2012
by Cindi Silva Poetry Leave a comment

diagnostic| ultrasound|

The Wall

I listened to the white sound

of the ultrasound machine

as I lay on the table

in a very cold room

under a heated blanket

my left arm out

exposing my left breast

as the technician

kept rolling over my

breast

with what started out as hot gel

checking the thickening

as I now call it

you may call it hardness

or suspicious area

or mass

I think I’ve heard it

referred to as that

other times when I’ve

had “scares” like this

I kept watching the ultrasound

screen while the technician

was clicking in green and pink and

maybe blue dots

and I watched mesmerized

although I didn’t know what I

was really watching other

than that’s where the

thickening is

and it appeared as

a large shadowy area

and as I lay there I

didn’t allow myself to think

much of anything I was really quite numb

and yet very alert in a sense of awareness

that this was my breast I was looking at

below the surface

like a Jacques Cousteau under sea documentary

that I used to watch as a kid

and just like when I watched what

was way below the surface of the ocean

I was fascinated that this was what was

way below the surface of my skin

although not nearly the same depth as the

ocean yet still as amazing

When she stepped out to get the doctor

I lay there drinking in my sight

of the righthand side of the room

you see I was propped towards the

right side

a bolster behind my leftside ensuring

I would stay in position

I saw the table with the ultrasound

a computer screen

the wall – eggshell white

and intersecting the wall

another wall with a light brown

cabinet

with four doors

and handles probably from ikea

and the ceiling – white with what resembled

tiles I watched a pattern of 2 large 2 – 1/4 the size

and followed it for a row of two

the doctor was much older than me

he stepped in the room to shake my hand

only he didn’t because my right hand

was under the blanket

he patted my leg instead

he told me I would need to have an

ultrasound biopsy scheduled asap

I asked him if he thought it could be

scar tissue

he said, “No. It’s a mass.”

that was pretty much it and he was gone

I remember thinking he doesn’t have

much of a bedside manner

after the doctor left the room

the ultrasound technician told me

it could be scar tissue

when I pulled the markers off the

many areas of both breasts

but especially the left breast

outlining all my battle scars

since I am a pink warrior

I started to feel strange in a way

your mind has a difficult time

processing unusual occurences

or incidents sometimes

I do remember thinking

I’m definitely going to have to

tell my kids about the biopsy

and when I got home

my teenage daughter

asked how things went

no, make that

are you okay, Mommy?

to which I answered

there is an area they are going

to check

she hugged me really tight

and said, “that’s scary.”

I told her they have done

this before

and it was nothing before

we embraced for awhile longer

and as we did I felt

the love flow between us

the electricity of our bodies

without words

a bond so strong and so vivid

and after I thought I still have

to tell her 11 year old brother

I’m not looking forward to doing

this again

and one more thing

I sure hope everything is okay

Cindi Silva Poetry

poetry, haiku, prose, writing

Category Archives: breast cancer poems

best cancer poetry|

Cancer| Poetry| II|

Cancer Poetry| II|

waiting is the hardest part| II|

biopsy|

the biopsy|

waiting for pathology|

a reminder|

there was an old woman| modern day| nursery rhymes|

There Was A Not Yet Old Woman Who Lived In A Nightmare

diagnostic| ultrasound|

diagnostic| ultrasound|