Cindi Silva Poetry

poetry, haiku, prose, writing

ducks in a row|

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Ducks In A Row

(for all women)

I always line my ducks in a row

with so much going on all the time

it’s the only way to keep track of your ducks . . .

somehow I fell asleep last night

my son wasn’t feeling well this

morning when he woke up

probably from the change of

weather

triggers allergies and asthma

I skipped my morning shower

and minimized the usual routine

even still he was a few minutes late

the doctor was happy to see me

a trip to see your radiation

oncologist

is just like visiting an old friend

only not

you catch up

spill your guts with all your medical

information

since you were there last

If it’s not a normal follow-up

you start to feel a little numb

especially when

your breast is fuller

and there is a thickening

finger-like

there is a hardness

you are aware of your breast

it’s almost like a bruise

that’s how I described it

did I bump it

did I get injured playing catch

even still it shouldn’t have

a hardening should it?

ducks in a row

come here little ducks

she knew why I was there

we cut to the chase

she isn’t in the office much

this month

June 30th she’ll be leaving

the country

for 3-4 weeks

by then we’ll have this

figured out

and by that she meant

what is going on with my breast

lining ducks in a row

her words to ease my anticipated fear

which for now is general numbness

we assembled our new

cancer team

in the event this isn’t a “scare”

the oncologist from last time

who I didn’t care for anyway

and only saw twice

has now quit

in the beginning of the visit

we talked about insurance options

important after the divorce is final

she told me she took medi-cal

I should look into it to see

if I qualified

and proceeded to give me

the name and number

of her social worker

quack quack quack

more ducks in the row

her medical assistant

tried to see if I could get

in sooner for the

mammogram and ultrasound

which has now been ordered

after that if warranted

the next step will be

MRI and core biopsy

quack quack quack

another duck in the row

still feeling numb

while she tells me this

realizing

there is nothing I can do

but wait it out

and hope it is just the ongoing

fibrocystic breast disease

and not the dreaded other disease

as my doctor walks out the door

she smiles and says

make sure you keep your insurance

numb is so much better

than screaming on the inside

while smiling calmly

on the outside

numbness seems like

denial

only for me it’s different

I’ve been practicing

meditation for years

I realize thoughts are powerful

and with practice it is possible

to redirect negative thoughts

to positive thoughts

and come out with neutral thoughts

I will be okay

whatever happens I will do

whatever it takes to be okay

I will remain calm

I have a beautiful life

filled with so much love

and joy

again I’m lining those ducks in a row

this time with my thoughts

tags: best| poetry| poems| breast cancer| survivors| Cindi Silva| poetry| ducks in a row| love| fear| thoughts| thinking| Youtube| Cindy Silva| poetry| poet|

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Author: Cindi Silva Poetry

I'm an artist, poet, writer, activist and more. I like writing about the ordinary and transforming it to extraordinary, which I think it already is but you may have been to busy to notice. Sometimes I write about politics, love, relationships, and every day strife. If you like my blog, I invite you to follow me. Thanks for stopping by. Peace and great joy to you always! Cindi

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